Skyler's Journal

[Skyler Todd]

*A soft leather-bound journal bleached to a winter-white color. It appears new, the spine unbroken. Inside is crisp white parchment paper. A deep crimson ribbon is fastened to the spine for use as a bookmark. A matching ribbon is fastened to the cover, where it can be wrapped around and tied to secure the journal closed.*

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 1:

Today is the first day I have been compelled to write for my own benefit. As I crafted this journal, I had no knowledge of its purpose, but I think I do now. This once, I shall craft a book simply for myself. The ink I spill on the pages shall be my own musings, and not those that I have been employed to print. Today is the first of many changes that I see in my future.

The first change I shall make is my residence. I have called the chapel in Solace home since its construction. The pristine walls have held me close, safe and secure. I have lived the way a chapel keeper should, and though I will miss its beauty, I no longer need the solitude that first drew me to it. Kaylor has offered to share his home with me. I have made the request to sleep by the fire on the second floor, though always the gentleman, he offered his own bedchamber. This is a rather large move for me, and I wish to take it slowly, so for now the fire shall be my night time companion.

The second change is my actual relationship with Kaylor. He has changed, and is no longer who I thought him to be. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, it is certainly different. When we first became friends, I was aware our relationship would be purely platonic. Because of.. things.. in my past, I was very drawn to this. Physical intimacy is something I am not comfortable with. I have asked for his patience, and he has granted me this. And then today, on bended knee, he proposed. While definitely taken aback, I cannot say that this was a total surprise. I figured that one day it would happen, I just didn't know it would be this soon. The timing was certainly unexpected. I never thought of myself as being a wife. The thought is a bit unnerving, I do not know what to expect. My parents were loving to me, but I saw them as my caregivers and never paid much attention to the way they treated each other. How I wish they were alive to ask questions to.

It feels good to transfer my thoughts down, I shall endeavor to write more as I can, and then go back upon these pages and read through my own musings.

*signed in an elegant script*
~Skyler Todd~

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 2:

The renovations of the Solace chapel are closer to completion and I believe the changes will be acceptable to the new inhabitants. A lovely couple, though the man causes me a bit of uneasiness that I cannot label. The woman is familiar, a paladin I believe, though from what I construed from our brief periods of conversation, her memory has been affected by amnesia.

I missed my betrothed dearly, and after receiving word from him I ventured to the location of his new residence. At once I was taken aback... this did not seem like the right place to me, but I followed his directions and there he was. The company surrounding him was frightening. I felt my lungs constricting and could barely draw a breath, for the fear in me swept through my entire being. Not until I felt his arms around me did I feel safe enough to gather air in my lungs.

So this is the path he has chosen. It saddens me, for I could never live this kind of life. If he were not at home would I even be safe? Does he place my well being in the hands of these.. creatures?

Last eve he looked at me with sorrowful eyes and told me he would understand if I could not be with him anymore. My heart sank at this thought. I could never leave him, I promised him my unconditional love and I do not break my promises. I will see this through. Perhaps I can save him.

At least my soul cannot be taken by these monsters. For I have already given it to him.


*hastily scrawled on the back of the previous entry*

I almost forgot! I wanted to describe the beautiful gift he gave to me. How ungrateful I am not to have mentioned it. A beautiful diamond necklace and bracelet that matches my engagement ring. It is too flashy for me, but I shall wear it loyally. He really shouldn't have.

*even more sloppily penned*
-told him what I could about my issue
-seems to understand, very patient
-look into how to get binding lifted
-attempt to write down ...will I be able?

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 3:

My neck is bare, as is my wrist. They feel weightless, like the bracelet and necklace he gave to me had always been there. But nothing feels like the emptiness of my finger. The third finger on my left hand. The one that held the symbol of everlasting love. It feels as though the entire digit is gone.

Just like my heart.

I couldn't stay. Though I promised him and swore I would forever love him, I had to go. I broke that promise, but I didn't lie. He will always be my only love. I will love him forever.

I can smell the death around this town. It seeps into my skin and festers under the surface. The darkness tries to seep into my heart. And he said I would be safe.

I will never be safe. Not as long as the darkness surrounds me.

What if the... if it... what if he comes back? I still carry his mark on my leg, though attempts at removing it have been moderately successful. At least you can't tell what it is. But I know. And I feel. And the feeling is enough to terrify even the beings that live in that wretched town.

I feel Kaylor is forever lost to me. The memories that I have of him are the happiest of my life. But what has he become? I am too afraid to find out. I have seen those he keeps company with. I have heard stories of what they are capable of. There is a small child that is among them! Who would take a child like that?!

For now, I have acquired an amulet of light to wear around my neck. It is supposed to ward off the evil that dwells here. To test this, I will hide myself in the main city of darkness. And here I will watch. And I will wait. And continue to love what I fear I've lost.

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 4:

There are more inhabitants lately. Kaylor appears to have moved his residence further south, toward the desert, and away from that horrible alter. I suppose that would be a good sign...

... except that he himself has gotten colder. I have hidden in the shadows and tried to glimpse those deep sapphire eyes that I used to love gazing upon. When I am able to look into them I see emptiness, where there once was a spark of passion.

He slips further and further away. I clutch the amulet tightly around my neck and pray for strength. Do I follow my head or my heart? Is he still the same man that I loved? What will happen to me if I go back? What will happen to him if I don't?

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 5:

I have spoken at length with the necromancers that teach their dark arts to those in Umbra. This "city of death" has my own thoughts clouded, dark... and I do not like the feeling.

Now I have a little knowledge of what Kaylor is to become. Or what I think he will become. From what I have observed, and from what I have researched, I feel he is going to become the walking dead. Or undead. I am certain now that his soul is gone, his heart does not beat. The man I loved is lost to me.

I must make one last visit to him. My own future will rely on it. I will need to get answers to unspoken questions, and I must think things thoroughly...

...for if they are not the answers I wish...

I will cease to exist.

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 6:

It is worse than I feared. I spoke with Kaylor at length today, when I first saw him my heartbeat doubled and my pulse raced. As I stared into those deep blue eyes my knees felt weak. Once again I felt like a woman in love. But I guess deep down I had known he had changed. He had changed into something that I don't know that I could love.

He said I broke my promise. My promise was to love him unconditionally for as long as we lived. I no longer can consider him one of the living. Do I want to be soul-less? My heart cease to beat? To never blush, nor feel the fluttering in my stomach when the one I love is near?

My plan is to end my life. I will not live in a world who allows what he has become to happen to "good" people. For in my heart I believe that he had some good in him until it was sacrificed. Torn from his body as if de-boning a fish. Like his soul was just a weed in a garden to be plucked and cast aside. And he gave it away... when it wasn't his to give. His soul belonged to me, as mine to him. And he just threw it all away.

Yet I am the selfish one.

Selfish because I was asked to make a choice and I chose the opposite of what he wanted. Either way, I am to die. One was permanently; the other was to die there, with him and whatever these things are that inhabit the area of Umbra. To give my soul and walk the lands forever as one of 'them'. That is not who I am. That is not who I want to be.

He told me that I caused him great pain because he knows that he is the cause of my death. Still he gave no regard to me when he made the choice to damn himself eternally.

Yes, I am the selfish one.

The one who considered my choices very carefully, and with as much knowledge as I could obtain in the short time since he turned his back on humanity. Could I live as one of them? No, I can not. I serve the light, not the darkness. If I have to chose, I chose everlasting death.

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 7:

It is peaceful here. Walking around with complete anonymity, feeling the ward Xanthus set in place coursing through my veins. I still wear the amulet, but should it be taken from me, I have the implant still for protection. My soul will never be taken from me. Ever.

I still do not know what would have happened if Xanthus hadn't been there at the chapel when I went to get a dagger. Fortunately, Haden and Galanor had remodeled, and I couldn't find the blasted thing. I was about to use the holy sword, a fitting ending I thought, when he stopped me. I laid the blade upon the table and was ready to lean into it. So ready to end it all. But something told me to listen.

The conversation was an odd one, but I heard him. I began to see the error of my ways. If my body was delivered to Kaylor's residence as I had planned, the necromancers may be able to reanimate it. I was not safe in this world or the next. Time heals all wounds, I will eventually be forgotten, but Xanthus did not see any reason to take the chance.

So I changed my clothing from my normal garb into something that Haden had lying out. I curled my hair.. it looks pretty cute, actually, and tossed a few books into my bag. Then Xanthus and I left the chapel; it's not really mine anymore, anyway, and headed for a hiding place.

My hiding place.

He has asked me to stay here for a little while until things die down. Whoa, Sky, nice choice of words there. He has promised to stop by to check on me, it will keep me from going mad with loneliness. Funny how I was so used to being alone before Kaylor and now the thought is disturbing. While I am here I might as well make myself useful; I have plenty of scrolls and my quill and fresh inkwell.

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 8:

It has been a few days' time since last I had any visitors. I suppose since no one knows I'm here, I shouldn't be surprised. When I tended to Xanthus' wounds the other night, I felt almost whole again. My mind focusing on a purpose other than the mindless act of copying these scrolls that I memorized nearly a decade ago as a child. He seemed grateful, though I could tell he really didn't need any assistance. The wounds were but small scratches and bruises, I could see evidence of long-healed scars that told me he was no stranger to the consequences of battle. It still felt good for someone to pretend to need my help, and I must remember to thank him.

The days here seem to grow longer and longer. I have spent many an hour at water's edge, letting the soft wakes from passing boats lick at my ankles as I dangle my feet into the water. I watch each ship, my mind wondering where they are headed or have come from. Are there adventures to be had with the crew? What if I were to stow away on the next that docked to pick up or deliver supplies? Ah, but I am too much of a coward to venture away from the safety here.

I sure hope Xanthus comes back soon, the monks are little for conversation.

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 9:

I'm bored. I make potions that are stored in kegs and stuffed in a back room to collect dust. My fingers are ink stained from making scrolls that will never be read. Practicing my spells has become monotonous and repetitive.

I need change.

The walls are closing in on me. I have cabin fever, though I would most likely give anything to be in a cabin. Perhaps in the mountains. Just something different.

Hopefully I will hear from my friend soon, so I can let him know that I will be leaving this sanctuary and seeking another. I do not wish him to worry. Though I have been pretty worried about him. Has he been fighting his battle alone? Is he hurt? Does he need assistance?

There is nothing for me to pack to keep me busy. I shall wait a few days more and then I will take my leave for a new beginning.

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 10:

As I ready myself for bed, something I draw out so I do not appear too eager to turn in, I find my thoughts drifting to Kaylor. My mind turns over the memories of our time together, and I replay them minute by minute in detail. Time and time again my thoughts turn to him when I have nothing else to occupy my time. I try to forget him, but how can one forget their first love?

I really need to get out of here. Soon. I will try to contact Xanthus to tell him of my plans, but I will be leaving whether he is to know my whereabouts or not.

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 11:

I have left the confines of the Abbey and walked alone toward the moongate. I am no longer jumping at shadows or looking over my shoulder. The wards in place, I feel nearly invincible. I wasn't sure where I was going, so I closed my eyes and blindly stepped into the gate. I emerged outside the city of Moonglow.

Spending many years here while in school, I think this will be a good place to set new roots. Perhaps I can teach at the Lycaeum. I really do not want to stay in town. There are a great number of buildings on the outskirts that have rooms. Perhaps I can find one to rent. There are many things that I can do... nothing is holding me back...

... or is there something still there?

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 12:

Today I interviewed with a scribe named Eric about a teaching position. He is a grumpy fellow, who insists on complete silence within the library walls. I spent some time there reading books... my nose deeply buried in a copy of Magic of the Soul... Deep-Rooted Healing when I was interrupted.

By none other than Kaylor McKairin himself.

He appeared to be surprised that I was there, so I do not believe he was looking for me. He didn't appear dangerous in any way. In fact, he looked much the same as he had the day I left.

Though I didn't know how dangerous he could be. When he kissed me unexpectedly, it was all I could do to muster up enough strength to push him away. But I did. I cannot have his lips upon mine any more. It unravels all of my strength and my common sense completely drains away.

What am I to do? He knows where I am now. I have another interview set up tomorrow for the position, and have been invited to board in a room nearby for the evening. Do I stay here and hope he never comes by again? Or do I run... again?

[Skyler Todd]

Journal Entry 13:

As I sit here alone in this back room cell? I can’t help but wonder what his true intentions are. He locked me in, took the keys, and made quite a showing of it… but he failed to take anything from the pack I carried at my side. My journal, quill and ink well, and yes, my spellbooks and reagents are still with me. I could easily escape, but the curiosity in me is winning over and I believe I will wait this out, unless it gets dangerous for me.

He asked me if he frightened me. In truth, I am a little frightened. The look in his eyes was that of a madman. He looks at me with a fiery passion that I have never seen before. There used to be compassion and gentleness in those eyes. Now I see lust, a man determined to have whatever he desires. I put up little fight, knowing that he could overpower me if he chooses. There just isn’t enough time to fire off any kind of spells that would thwart him.

I feel the ward pulsing through my veins and I know that my soul is safe. I also know that should I need him, Xanthus would be here to aid me. Surely our connection would make it known that I were in danger.

But I don’t want him to come.

No, I want to see this through, know what Kaylor’s true intentions are with me. I love him. Yes, I’m foolish…. downright stupid. I don’t think he would bring me harm, but just in case, I hold my amulet close as I sleep, and concentrate on the magic flowing in my blood.

So for now, I wait.

[Skyler Todd]

*The journal now shows signs of wear and abuse. There are bloodied prints from hands and fingers along the cover and in the corners of the used pages. The ribbon is discolored and dirty, the ends frayed.*

Journal Entry 14:

This is mine. I recognize the handwriting as my own on the previous entries. I don't remember much about the content, though. Waking up in the cargo hold of a ship in the middle of the ocean is the first real memory I have. There are bits and pieces of the past that I assume to be real. The amulet around my neck was given to me for some sort of protection. I have a device in my arm that I can feel but barely see. I know not its purpose, but after the incident in which a sailor attempted to remove my amulet and lost his life, I don't attempt to alter it.

We docked some time ago. The sailors, afraid of me for what my necklace did to their fellow sea farer, have avoided me for the most part. I am in Moonglow. The Lycaeum seemed familiar to me, and when we made port I immediately headed there. Monks and scribes alike seemed to remember me, and one handed me a locked box with things some that belonged to me. This journal, a set of exquisite jewelry, and a vial of something I cannot identify were in that box. I assume these all mean something, but I have yet to know what. I do know that I belong here, I can feel something stirring in my blood, and I have never felt stronger.